practical.magic.

Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.  

-Practical Magic

Sometime the void is very real. It’s not a metaphor or a quaint idea. It is a hard truth. Visceral. The emptiness in our lives is intolerable sometimes, because all we can feel is the absence of what was. 

Or we feel the longing of what could be. 

Or we see what doesn’t quite fit. What didn’t work? 

Or we hope for the future, but we feel it has no foothold yet.

{I feel like I am a slow learner}

For how many years have I been told to slow down? 

Embrace the now. 

Stop fighting what is. 

Sink into it. 

Absorb it.

 {It’s not as scary as you think.} 

But, oh how I fight! We fight. We all push against the invisible demons of nothingness. We struggle. 

We run away. 

Yet, here I sit in the nothing, and there is something extremely blissful in it. Come join me. Find the unsatisfactory/messy/scary part of your life and explore it. Sink into it. LOVE IT. The emptiness of unfulfilled promises: the emptiness of ending. I was told not to scratch the itch- to sit in the discomfort and just notice it. How many years did it take to finally be able to do it? My whole lifetime, I guess.  And here I sit. 

I {finally} understand how this is it’s own kind of beauty. It can be peaceful anywhere… when you just stop. 

And listen. 

What is the emptiness saying?

You are your beloved. You are your best friend. You are the only one who needs to see you, to understand you. You are IT my dear. The one you should give your heart to IS YOU. That is all you need to worry about for now.

Go to sleep. And take care of that heart.