the.good.life.

How to create, attract, and experience more luxury in your life

Luxury myth: It’s not the biggest, baddest, shiny-est thing. It is not the most expensive thing. It is not something other people have and you don’t. When you Google luxury, you find things like 22 carat gold toilet paper, and cookware with diamond knobs. That is not real luxury, it is the manifestation of the opposite; a deep need for love; and fullness; and to feel enough.

Luxury Truth: Luxury is deeply personal and individual for every person. For me it is the first sip of hot coffee. It is peace and quiet first thing in the morning. It is the deliciousness of wrapping your cool shoulders in a soft blanket. It is looking outside and seeing gold mixing with green. It is the smell of wet earth. It is not having anywhere to rush off to: Time is a huge luxury. It is smelling your favorite fragrance {incense mixed with the aroma of coffee}, whilst hearing your favorite sound {jazz music}, whilst also seeing something beautiful{beautiful photography in my living room and a wet, cool autumn day outside} ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

In short, it is taking in the moment. It is constructing an environment where you love to be. It is nourishing your soul with presence. Because, in any moment there is something to be enjoyed. To be savored. To be grateful for.

How many times have I been on the most gorgeous walk, but instead of looking around and stopping to really take in the scene, instead I was worrying, or imagining, or otherwise missing the beauty? How many times have I gotten together with friends or family in a beautiful café or restaurant, and end up just complaining, or worrying, or otherwise missing the splendor? How many times have you gone through your day without giving yourself the presence of mind to enjoy something pleasurable?

The thing about that longing you have; that hole that can’t be filled; that yearning… it starts inside. We all have been guilty of being in a moment of complete luxury or splendor, and not even having the presence of mind to enjoy it. We have all seen someone else have something we want, and think “if I had that, I would be happy”. Oh, would you now?

One thing I know about longing, is that it is a beautiful emotion. It is not there to torture you or taunt you. It is there to gently guide you in the direction of bliss. The difference is simply a state of mind. Is the absence of what you long for in your life going to make you a victim or a creator?

If today you feel like creating, I have a reliable way of creating that has little to do with budget, and everything with mindset.

Upgrade your mindset

It is a wonderful thing that our state of mind determines our happiness so completely. How awful would it be if something that we have no control over {like people/places/things/circumstances} could absolutely determine our joy? Wouldn’t that be terrible? Unfortunately, all of us at certain times will fall victim to this lie that we need people/circumstances/ the world to change before we can be happy. But there is much evidence that this is not the case: New {environments/people/items/circumstances very quickly become ordinary, and we relapse back to our base state of joy or not joy. {Think about your first day on vacation in an exotic locale vs the last few} There are many studies that prove this too. Shortly after winning the lottery/landing a dream job/reaching a goal people return to the state of happiness they were before. The reason is simple: newness brings pleasure. We need to understand this to be able to get to make the following distinction…

New Experiences vs New Possessions

We confuse experiencing newness with needing to own new stuff. Once we possess something, and have it for a while, it will inevitably lose some of its pleasure as we get used to it. The only way to counter this is with presence. That doesn’t mean you can’t have nice things, in fact, I demand you do! But it deserves analysis. First, look around your life and find something you would like to upgrade, and ask yourself this: Do I cherish this thing? Do I take care of it? Love it? Am I grateful for it? A vehicle for example: Is your vehicle dirty, smelly, and neglected? If so, you don’t need a new vehicle, you need new presence to the vehicle you have. Your state of mind is the problem, and you are deluding yourself into thinking you will take better care of your next vehicle. But, we don’t attract what we want (the vibration of not having) we attract what we are (the vibration of having). And so, until you cherish what you have as if it were what you want, you won’t get what you want. Therefore, presence really is key when upgrading your life, not possessions. It is making choices everyday to use/be/do/say/have the best of the things you already have. Then feel free to get new stuff...

Upgrade Consciously and Continuously

The only cure for our wanting, our needing, is presence. Be in the now. See what is wonderful at this moment, and drink it in like a nourishing broth for the soul. The problem is, if your environment {what you are immediately experiencing with your body including your clothing, home, office, car, food, interactions etc.} isn’t up to scratch {uncomfortable/untidy/utilitarian/smelly/unpalatable/unsatisfying} you will have NO desire to be present in the moment, and you will continue to daydream about a better life as you sit in your subpar environment. You need to commit to making every aspect of your life a little bit better everyday, by adding in more and more luxury: Yes, this takes “effort”. Standing by the sink and eating cold leftovers is less “effort” than heating and plating your food beautifully, turning on some music, and enjoying your meal. Carving out time to go for a beautiful walk is more “effort” than watching TV. Wearing your favorite sweater around the house is more “effort” than staying in that nasty T-shirt. Ensuring your home/ car/ office/ cubicle/ dorm room/ prison cell contains some treasures, smells good, and is organized and personalized takes “effort”. The list goes on and on. But the thing is, it is an amazing upward spiral. Create even the smallest upgrade {like putting on socks if your feet are cold, or using your best china/perfume/pretty journals everyday} and consciously enjoying it. It is like fuel for your soul. There is no faster way to gain momentum in your life and become “one of those people” that seem like they have boundless energy and enthusiasm and control over their life, than to practice this bit of self-care. The more run down, tired, lackluster, and full of longing you are, the more you need to consciously upgrade, one baby step at a time. Give yourself something today. 

As a bonus (lest you think YOU have to do all the work here) this is also when Life/ The Universe/ God gives you all the things you want. Take one step towards the life you want, and it will take 1000 steps towards you. Decorate (to the best of your ability and budget) that tiny little condo, and you bet your ass you will not only live beautifully now, but also ensure even BIGGER AND BETTER beauty in the future. That's the law of the Universe: it gives you more of what ALREADY IS, so if that's {a lack of something} then you have a problemo...

Watch out for the 3 Big Blocks to Luxury in your life:

1.     Victimhood: Easily recognized by phases that include “yeah but”…”Yeah but I can’t coz that costs money”, “Yeah but I can’t coz I don’t have time”, “Yeah but I can’t coz I have to do this thing instead” Yeah but anything is a bad sign. It keeps you stuck, and anything following a yeah but is an excuse, not reality. When you change your language, you take control of your life. Instead, try simply using “I choose not to” and “I choose to”, instead of “I can’t” or “I have to”. It is hella empowering! (Fucking harsh…I know!)

2.     Worthiness: Easily recognized by the phrase “not enough”. Who am I to wear great clothes, have time to myself, stake a claim on my longings, have an orgasm, enjoy my life? I can’t be that entitled… I’m not smart enough/ brave enough/ young enough/ old enough/ far along enough/ rich enough/pretty enough/ enough enough to change my life. If you hear yourself think or utter that phrase, STOP, DROP, AND THERAPY… get to the therapy couch ASAP... Call your coach/friend; workshop that shit; bring out your tools! NOT ENOUGH is the underlying malignancy of our time. It will rob you of joy and energy and courage. Give me one hour and I will absolutely convince you of its falsehood!

  3.     Disbelief: This stuff doesn’t work/matter. How does the beauty of my home/ the comfort of my clothing/ the taste and appearance of my everyday food/the mug I drink my coffee out of affect the quality of my life? And HOW will changing that stuff give me more of what I desire: Joy, Love, Beauty, Luxury, Connection, and Comfort?
Ok…um…lets do a basic exercise in logic: Your life is happening RIGHT NOW. The past (which a lot of people put stock in as being a huge part of their life) was happening in the NOW when it was happening. Your future (which many people dream about being better than their life now and their past) will be happening IN THE NOW when it happens. The NOW is the only moment you ever have. And here is the real kicker: An accumulation of NOWs is called YOUR LIFE! If NOW you don’t CHOOSE to drink great coffee out of a fucking gorgeous mug/ sleep in great sheets/ wear comfortable clothing/ take time to enjoy beauty/ decorate your house/ light a candle then you are missing your life by deferring it until some imaginary time that will always be in the future.

Think of everyday as being given a million dollars, that you can either spend or not. If you don’t spend it, you don’t get to save it, it simply disappears. NOW is your life. And an accumulation of “someday I’ll do this and that” is like CHOOSING not to spend a million dollars EVEYDAY. Your days will keep passing with the same unsatisfactory tastelessness as they do now if you keep waiting to make things the best they can be today. DON’T WAIT for the future, for the “one day” to make everything in your life the best it can be. DO IT NOW, and those NOWs will become your life: Beautiful, Joyful, Connected, Luxurious…

bliss.in.the.park.

Today I had a transcendent experience. I did a 1-on-1 yoga session with a wonderful yoga instructor (and friend) Mary. It turned out to be so much more than yoga. We went to a park, set up our mats, and sat down. Then, she said she likes to start her practice by speaking on a certain topic. For me, her intuition picked “Patience”. The words that followed could not have been more perfect, hit closer to home, or been more comforting to my travel-weary spirit. I shed a few tears, and I felt my heart melt and open. I hadn’t consciously noticed it had started to harden over the last who-know-how-long, except that I have been feeling like I just can’t quite catch my breath lately; like there was a constant constriction around my heart. Finally the constriction had softened. She turned on some music, and we started to flow.

She work-shopped SO MANY POSES that I had been doing incorrectly for years, and adjusted me until everything felt perfectly in alignment. I discovered muscles I don’t think I have ever used before. Sometimes I would shake doing the SIMPLEST pose, because I had been doing it wrong all this time! The delicious stretching and gentle strengthening found places in body that were holding so much tension, so much emotion, and so many toxins, that I kept feeling tingles and waves ripple through as energy blocks got released. It was a spring-cleaning for my body like I had never felt before. Mary is graceful, cheerful, and casual. She is having fun, like she is out to play, not "work". The way she moved, seeing her so happy and in her element, made me think: “I’ll have a tall glass of whatever she’s having!” The energy of that practice was very beautiful, and I got to laugh and be myself. In yoga classes, I find it is a little too fast, and too crowded to really get a pose down right, so my strong muscles would overcompensate, and I would “look” like I was doing some good yoga. But trust me, getting adjusted and feeling how beautiful it is when your body is in alignment, is so different! The bliss is indescribable!

So now I ask you: Where in your life are you just going through the motions? What area do you need to workshop? Where do you need to take a closer look? Release some energy blocks? Get adjusted? Because, my-oh-my, when you start to really ENGAGE the area in your life you were you previously weren't, it is juicy! Right now, think of an area in your life you suspect you can find deeper joy, and have someone workshop it with you! There are so many beautiful teachers out there: in books, on YouTube, and in your life as friends and family, that can help you find deeper joy. Oh but if you can Beg, Barter, or Buy a few sessions with a professional in your chosen area, then you are in for a real treat! Besides the physical bliss, I got a personal message of inspiration, a customized deep heart-opening practice, and even a little lavender-scented massage during Savasana! Since no book or YouTube video has ever done all that, I am seeing Mary again next Tuesday. 

practical.magic.

Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.  

-Practical Magic

Sometime the void is very real. It’s not a metaphor or a quaint idea. It is a hard truth. Visceral. The emptiness in our lives is intolerable sometimes, because all we can feel is the absence of what was. 

Or we feel the longing of what could be. 

Or we see what doesn’t quite fit. What didn’t work? 

Or we hope for the future, but we feel it has no foothold yet.

{I feel like I am a slow learner}

For how many years have I been told to slow down? 

Embrace the now. 

Stop fighting what is. 

Sink into it. 

Absorb it.

 {It’s not as scary as you think.} 

But, oh how I fight! We fight. We all push against the invisible demons of nothingness. We struggle. 

We run away. 

Yet, here I sit in the nothing, and there is something extremely blissful in it. Come join me. Find the unsatisfactory/messy/scary part of your life and explore it. Sink into it. LOVE IT. The emptiness of unfulfilled promises: the emptiness of ending. I was told not to scratch the itch- to sit in the discomfort and just notice it. How many years did it take to finally be able to do it? My whole lifetime, I guess.  And here I sit. 

I {finally} understand how this is it’s own kind of beauty. It can be peaceful anywhere… when you just stop. 

And listen. 

What is the emptiness saying?

You are your beloved. You are your best friend. You are the only one who needs to see you, to understand you. You are IT my dear. The one you should give your heart to IS YOU. That is all you need to worry about for now.

Go to sleep. And take care of that heart.