soulful.life.creation.

How to Manifest...  It’s a hot-button topic. Everyone has dabbled in, or at least heard of, the Law of Attraction and the like. And I would venture that the reason for its popularity is partly because most people have likely had an experience of “manifesting” something into reality through what felt like sheer magic. Things just “lined up”, and suddenly there you where, getting exactly the improbable thing that you asked for. It worked out just a little too well to be comfortably explained away as a series of coincidences, or a lucky break. So with extreme excitement you think: “Hey, maybe there’s something to this. Maybe the Universe isn’t a heartless, random vacuum. Maybe joy is our birthright…” and proceed to visualize/vision board/magic-list your way to a wad of cash, a mansion on the beach, and a brand new Ferrari. It doesn't work.

Yes, you are {partly} right. It doesn’t work... like that.

Logically it makes no sense that the Universe would be one that would manifest everyone's desire for a Ferrari, or a mansion, or a harem of hotties, or world domination. Bitch please! We would detroy the earth and ourselves in a matter of minutes if this was the case, which is why in Divine Design, that is not how it works. I don’t even like the word {Manifesting} because it carries so much skewed information and negative connotations. Not only is it burdened with a billion eye rolls and more skepticism than you can publish in a best seller, but it is shallow. Think about a bunch of people sitting on their couch wishing to be better looking, richer, and more travelled than anyone they know. When was the last time you tried to manifest world peace, endless love, and enough to eat for everyone? Yeah...didn't think so. Don't feel too bad. There is a reason why that's not on the top of your wish lists, and it's not because you are a shitty person. At least your Core Self isn't...

 Step 1: True Desires

One of Martha Beck’s most salient lessons is the idea that Life Creation/Manifesting/Intentional Living/Whateveryouwannacallit is {only} effective when you are dreaming and creating from your Core Being instead of from The Shallows of your Ego. Your Core Being is your timeless self {or soul if you will} that can see the whole picture of creation and where you fit into it. It isn't interested in consumerism or domination. It is interested in BEING IN HARMONY WITH ALL CREATION. It is interested in joy, and in love.
It is also the “you” that is a unique fingerprint in the world. The “you” that has a special combination of gifts and experience that no other person on earth has or will ever have. It is the TRUE YOU. It is the part that has direct access to the energy of the Universe. It is, simply put, where the magic happens. From your Core Being you create soul-nourishing dreams with {feelings} as the focus instead of {things}.

Conversely, in The Shallows you will find what many spiritual teachers refer to as The Ego. You can refer to The Ego and The Mind interchangeably- depending if you are of a spiritual or scientific bent. The ego, simply put, is ONLY concerned with lack and attack. In any moment, it is either worried about losing something/ not having enough, and it is attacking or fearing attack. It believes that you need {things} to bring {feelings} of safety and happiness. It is a shitty entity..but it is not really who you are.

If you want manifesting to work for you, you need to identify your CORE DESIRES. They are already hiding inside your shallow wishes, shrouded in your Ego's unoriginal lack/attack thoughts. Behind the wishes that look like the inside of every glossy magazine lies what your soul is trying to tell you.
When you are thinking/dreaming/making a list of what you want, try using only {feelings} instead of describing things. I will use money as an example, because it is undoubtedly on your list:

An ego wish: “I want X amount of cash.” Or, “I want to be able to afford anything I want”.

 Instead, try getting to the {root} of what money represents by using feeling words. “I want to be free to live life to the fullest, and on my own terms. I want to be able to experience the world fully: to taste, touch, smell, see, and hear all the beauty the world has. I want to nourish my soul. I want to feel safe and supported. I want to have peace of mind and be worry-free.”

The difference is in the ENERGY behind the THOUGHTS. When you want a big wad of cash, it is because you feel like you don’t have enough right now. The energy of NOT ENOUGH brings more of the same into your life. It is a worry that comes from the Ego-and the Ego can't manifest shit. When you switch to thinking about what your Core Being wants, it is a pure, clean, and expansive energy. That is the energy you want more of. You are putting out what you want to get back, instead of unknowingly putting out what you don’t want.

The same goes for using negative statements. Stating: “I don’t want to be tied to a job and in debt” is not the same sentiment as: “I want to be free to live life on my own terms”. The first carries the energy of contraction, aversion, and negativity. {Again, the universe responds to energy, not words, and reflects that energy back to you as the reality of your life} With that statement of what you don’t want, you may as well be wishing for a lifetime of serfdom. It is OK to think about what you don’t want, as that contrast is the only way to narrow down what you do want, but it is not enough. You need to shift your focus onto what you do want, and keep it there.

Step 2: Keeping it there

{You do not attract what you want; you attract what you are.}

You need to stay in the energy of the solution. What that means is that once you have found the {feelings} you want, you need to focus on those feelings more than you focus on the things you don’t want. You need to BECOME the feeling of freedom, or prosperity, or beauty, or love. You need to FIND IT in your everyday life.

{Right now.} Take action in that general direction. When you take one step toward your dream, it takes a thousand steps toward you. Take the tiniest step everyday toward a delicious life. If you want freedom, for example, do something that makes you feel free. It might be setting up an automatic savings plan no matter how much you feel like you don’t make enough to save anything. {Trust me, you don’t even miss that money if it just automatically comes out of your account}. Maybe it’s looking into a crazy hobby you have always wanted to try, or just admitting to a far-flung dream of a vocation/location change. Maybe it is allowing yourself a nap when you are tired. Celebrate where in your life you already are enjoying the feeling you want. Put something out into the universe with the same energy vibration as what you want. Do things simply for the joy of doing them, instead of with an outcome in mind. This brings me to the last step…

"Treat {the thing you want} like a bad boyfriend" says Poehler. 
"{It} won’t take care of you. It won't call you back or introduce you to its parents. {It} will openly flirt with other people while you are around…it is healthy to remember you can always leave him and go to sleep with somebody else" -Amy Poehler

Step 3: Detach

Don’t think constantly about the outcome. Don’t wonder where your stuff is. Be in the moment and live your life. That is the final, and most important key to getting what you want. When you are constantly looking for the changes, you will not see them. We have ALL experienced the phenomenon where we DON’T care about something {anymore} or stop thinking about it, and then get the results we want. Just like the bad boyfriend that is only interested in you when you are too busy enjoying your life without him. THAT IS EXACTLY the game you should play with your goals or desires. When you are detached from the outcome because you are just too busy enjoying your life as it is, you are “pressing send” on your request and then it is only a matter of time. The key is to be so engrossed in the joy of living your life that getting the things you want is just a happy by-product.  It is an I-could-take-it-or-leave-it feeling. That is the comical paradox of the Universe. Therefore, you simply MUST practice finding joy first, and the things you want will come. Thinking you need a certain thing or circumstance to be happy is simply the biggest lie of our time. THAT, not manifesting, is what obviously isn’t working. 

stop.the.madness.

Here's the thing...Most deficits are of a mental nature. They arise in the mind, and it is there that they must be laid to rest. If you are, at this moment, not threatened with bodily harm in any way, then your perceived suffering is mental.

 Let me elaborate...

{Symptoms}

Restlessness. Wandering aimlessly around the house. Mental chatter you can’t quiet down. Compulsive eating/shopping/drinking/anything. Constant worry. Spacing out. Unable to be where you are: in the moment. Fear. Daydreaming or mentally checking out in any way. Feeling like you just CANNOT stand yourself or some aspect of your life anymore.

{Antidote}

Nothing is missing in this moment.

{The Medicine}

Now think back to what I said: "Most deficits are of a mental nature. They arise in the mind, and it is there that they must be laid to rest. If you are, at this moment, not threatened with bodily harm in any way, then your perceived suffering is mental."

I am not saying it does not feel real- visceral even. It does. I feel it too.

I am simply pointing out that a deficit that starts in the mind cannot be addressed in the material world. It must be addressed in the mind. Just like a physical thirst cannot be quenched by thinking about drinking water.  A mental {spiritual} thirst cannot be quenched by material means. Your ego {mind} would have you believe that it can. That is how it survives and feeds and grows: by whispering in your ear about all the material treasures you could have and should have to survive. Esteem, beauty, excess. Flat stomach, perk bum, Black AMEX-Then you will be OK.

But the thirst continues…

or

the mental chatter

or

the feeling like you want to crawl out of your skin with discontent

or

worry

or

restlessness

or

feeling like it is {you are} never enough

{Take a moment’s pause. Follow these steps.}

1     Calm the fuck down.

Do this dance for a few minutes: Take one deep breath, and hold it at the top of the inhale. Feel that moment of peace where your mind goes quiet. Exhale. Feel another moment of peace at the bottom of the exhale, when your lungs are completely empty.  Repeat.

Do that a few times, chasing that blissful second of just feeling OK. Allowing peace in for just one second at a time will make enough space that you will be able to follow step two.

2    Listen.

Your body holds all the information you will EVER need to thrive. It is how you were made. Before humans had language, Instagram, or gold iPads, we thrived. Before we had a Neocortex {responsible for things like language and abstract thinking about the past and the future} we still had the knowledge to overcome extreme survival threats. The body, through its various sensory receptors, takes in 11 million bits of information per second. You only have conscious access to about 50 bits per second. The rest is in your subconscious and presents itself as {gut feelings} and the like. Your discomfort is trying to give you a message. It is trying to tell you what you need to thrive.

Some ways to {listen} are:

Meditate.

{If you are of that inclination} I myself would rather carve my eyes out with a rusty spoon.

Journal. 

Free write. Whatever comes to mind. Write on anything you can find about anything that spills out. Go sit in the bathroom at work and do it on your phone. This technique is magic. It never fails to calm me down. And I receive amazing messages about what I need to do to move forward and feel better.

Talk to a friend. 

If you are blessed with someone in your life that has the ability to {translate} your ranting into golden nuggets, then you are very lucky. Sometimes sound-boarding with someone who is empathetic and honest can be a lifesaver for decoding your own neurosis. {A word of caution} This is a precious resource, and I suggest you use it sparingly. Don’t tire out your friend{s} by always depending on them for guidance and advice. No one likes that person. Save this for the really bothersome topics that the other techniques don’t work on.

 Trust.

Trust the message that comes through. Maybe your message is that you need a nap. Don’t worry if you don’t see how this is going to solve the problem of what colors to pick for your wedding, or how you hate your mother-in-law. Just listen to the message and go take a fucking {nap/bath/spa week} even if you just came {up/out/back} from one. Trust the process. If your message is that you feel used and abused {to stand up for yourself/ set better boundaries} do so. Even in a very small non-threatening way. If you have problems sanding up to your boss, then start by asking the Barista to remake your disastrous latte. Trust the process. If your jealousy reveals that you actually {wish} you could get by on looks and cleavage, then get out of your sweatpants and into something cute. Yes, even if it is just to do your janitorial service job. Trust the process.

Life is a funny thing. Small actions catalyze huge change when accumulated over a short time. Sometimes I feel like I live 98% of my life on autopilot and those are the times that heavily coincide with things looking the same every morning. It’s the {looking} that needs to change before the {things} can change. Start small and trust that change will come if you keep committing to the best life you can manage in the moment.

shadow.dance.

In my introductory Cognitive Psychology class, I learnt that how we see depends largely on contrast. Now this isn't groundbreaking...In fact, you might feel the urge to say: "DUH!" I dare you to take a second to think about this concept though... The only reason we have any sort of perceptual experience of the world is because of contrast: the interplay of opposites! It really is so essential to our existence that I am starting to forgive the University for making me pay untold sums of cash so that I could have that pointed out to me. This contrast shows up in all areas of our life, and the interaction of opposites that creates contrast really is a beautiful dance. We all have a dance of opposites happening inside of us as well: The Shadow dancing in the Light; the Hippie rebelling against the General; the Animal frolicking while the Angel watches from above. I say dance, but admittedly it can feel more like a tug-o-war. To start to understand my inner dance of opposites, I have given these aspects of myself names, and I recommend you try the exercise too.

The Stage Is Set

I suggest you take some time to divide your life into its main parts, and name the opposing characters that are dancing on that stage. Everyone’s list might look a little different. If you are a parent, then that might be a separate stage for you, where you might find “the Protector” and “The Facilitator”. I’m taking a guess here, since I don’t have kids. If you would like to get specific, you could also add an aspect of your life that is featuring prominently for you right now. For me, it is my general work/life balance that is in a state of least satisfaction, so I named the characters in that arena specifically The Hippie and The General. If you are focusing on your relationship, you might want to add your characters there. Here are some of mine:

In General: The Light and The Shadow **be careful of negative connotations

Work/Life/Exercise/Money: The Hippie and The General

Food/Alcohol/Sex: The Animal and The Angel

How to Name Your Characters:

When I first tried to name my characters for my work/life balance situation, I came up with The Stubborn Child and The Critical Mother. Right away though, I realized that it wasn’t sitting right with me. I am putting a negative spin on the names because I am feeling negatively about the situation. Your characters names should be descriptive, but not only negative. They have to be neutral in the sense that you can see how each side adds value to your life. A hippie, for instance, has good qualities about her. She is free-flowing, creative, and inspirational. She is left brain. She is valuable in her own way. A General is analytical, disciplined, and goal-oriented; all good things too. Also, the goal is not the name one character a “good” thing and one a “bad” thing. As you might have guessed, we are going to try to balance and embrace BOTH sides of ourselves, so both characters must add value. 

**This was particularly hard for me when naming my Light side and Shadow Side. Although I am struggling to put a positive spin on the Shadow side, all I know is that I cannot deny it exists. For me, I think it is just our ability to accept life’s “messy or ugly” side. The ability to see the lesson in failure; the cleansing value of grief; the need for destruction in order to rebuild; the value of struggle and pain; the acceptance of loss and death. It is the ability to accept and “sit with” discomfort, instead of trying to run away from it or avoid it. That, to me, is the Shadow side. And I believe that if you always try to avoid discomfort, your shadow side will come out by creating situations for you in which you will be forced to face some level of discomfort or "ugliness".

Who Is Running The Show?

For most of us, one of these characters is more pronounced than the other.  Your typically controlling, Type-A personality has let the General take over. An overeating/overdrinking/over sexing hedonist has let their Animal take control. Conversely, a person that has become so infatuated with spiritual seeking, to the point of denouncing all enjoyment of food, sex, or “basal pleasures” for the purpose of enlightenment may have forsaken their Animal in favor of their Angel. A person that is constantly making decisions that harm others (or themselves) is letting their Shadow run the show.  It can be a fun game to name the opposing characters that play on the stage of each facet of your life. There are far more of these that I could come up with, but these are the big players for me right now.

Once you have named your characters, you will likely be able to identify right away which one shows up more often in a given situation. For instance, I have always thought that my “Light side” shows up more often that not. I am generally a sunny, positive, constructive person, and I shudder at the thought of cruelty, mean-spiritedness, or even gratuitous “darkness”. I don't hold grudges and I can honestly say I have never hated anyone. I also don't like scary/violent/or too sad or depressing movies. I am almost Shadow-phobic! Yet, I know that if I don’t give my Shadow some “stage time” it will seep into other areas of my life. The Shadow, even though it is hard to pin down conceptually, is that feeling of unease or boredom that creeps in when everything seems to be smooth sailing. It is the urge to “rock the boat” or to make a bad decision. For me, my shadow side usually means I start to sabotage my life or my relationships. It may mean I revisit a bad habit I thought I had left behind, or engage people or activities that I know aren't a "good idea". Your shadow side creates problems where none existed before, and it is a manifestation of the unwillingness to face the discomfort or ugliness in life head on, and without judgment.

Make Them Get Along:

The key to making your two opposing characters get along, it to stand back and take the view of the observer. Instead of wanting to control which character SHOULD come out to play, notice which one WANTS to come out and try not to judge it. Ask yourself if you might just have one of the two characters that is overdeveloped, while the other one has atrophied. Or is one scared to come out? Is one character not getting enough stage time, and now is demanding your attention by “showing up” at inconvenient times? Really PERSONIFY these characters! Get into their headspace: how they think, and what they feel. You might be surprised what comes up when you give them a voice.

Once you have gotten to know your characters, it's time to do some marriage councelling! These two opposites need to get along, so it is best you clear the air about their place "on the stage" (in your life). When you have some hunches about how the characters in your life come out to play, you can practice re-writing you script about these guys. Here is a quick few I did this morning:

OLD BELIEF: Being a practical, goal-oriented, and high-performing person will make me an emotionless robot that is not free flowing and creative, and I’d rather die than lose that side of myself.

NEW BELIEF:

Being practical, grounded, goal-oriented, and high-performing will ADD to my ability to be free flowing and creative, and heighten my natural talents. My Hippy needs a General.

OLD BELIEF:

Because I don’t naturally gravitate toward structure, routine, or details, I won’t ever be successful.

NEW BELIEF:

IT IS ALL RELATIVE!!! Being either really regimented, or really free flowing can prove to be a problem. I know examples of people in both extremes who have experienced limits to success because of either their extreme inflexibility, or their  extremely “creative type” personality. I have also seen people be wildly successful and have these extreme personalities. Then there are also many successful people that BALANCE these two extreme traits. I can also think of times where I have been very regimented, disciplined, or analytical. And I can think of times where I have been more free-flowing and unstructured.

Any situation demands that you be able to put on the needed “hat” to get the job done. If that job is to be in the moment, painting with your daughter, then you bet the Hippy better come out and finger paint, not the General who doesn’t like a mess! To be successful you must find what works FOR YOU, and that might not work for anyone else. STEP BACK AND LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE.  Probability says that it is best to be adaptable; to have the ability to be BOTH structured and disciplined at times, AND free flowing and adaptable at other times. Life shows us that we must be able to look on the bright side AND be comfortable with the ugliness too. We must enjoy our bodies, while not overindulging or seeking solace in physical pleasure. It really is a constant and beautiful dance.

the.destroy.her.

Is Destruction good or evil?

I am a runner. Not in the athletic sense, but in the existential sense. I am a runner. I run because moving on comes very naturally. I am a runner. I haven’t learned to stand still yet…

 Not exactly a novel concept-this running away thing. Many people run from their problems, I am by no means claiming to have pioneered the concept. We all try to escape; whether it is through alcohol, drugs, sex or shopping.

Pick a vice and people have used it to escape the inevitable. Or more likely, to create a bigger problem that the one before, but one that is somehow still easier to deal with than facing ourselves. But here’s the thing: I don’t run away from my problems; well, at least not directly. I run away from other people’s problem with me. If I think I am a problem in someone else’s experience, I leave and never come back. I feel no ill will toward them, and I always wish them well. I have honestly and truly never hated anyone, and I don’t know how to hold a grudge. But I have left…many people…many times.

SOUND FAMILIAR?

Here are some varying accounts of the Destroyer Archetype, and how it might come in to play (or out to play) in your life…

The Destroyer Archetype:

PART 1:

“The impulse to destroy and rebuild is archetypal. We are bound to that cycle and therein lies the learning. Destruction also refers to releasing that which is destroying us, and, so, many therapists and other healers serve the role of the Destroyer by assisting others to release destructive emotions or behavior. The power of positive destruction is enormously healing and liberating.”- Caroline Myss

I am a Destroyer by nature, and breaking down to rebuild is all I know how to do. I don’t like imposing my ever-changing life on many people, so usually I will cocoon myself during the change and emerge a new butterfly to whomever is left to witness it. I think it is a natural process for many to withdraw during tough times.

I find that if there is no one left when I surface, I don’t ever fret. There is one thing I am certain of: Everything is temporary. I feel at home in that truth, and thinking about things not being in constant flux makes me feel like I am trying to breathe through wet cement.

PART 2:

"If you are going to live outside the law, you have to be honest, and have to cut your loses."

The Destroyer is not only active in the process of change, but also in my interactions with people. If I feel like I’m causing someone or some situation more harm than good, then I run from it. “Better off without me” is my mantra, and it is one that is sung in elation, rather than said with self-pity. The weird thing is, I am stubbornly unable to change for anyone, yet I am willing to let them go so that they don’t have to put up with me. I have no problem with people not liking me, but I have a huge problem with imposing myself on a person who can’t handle who I am. It’s not the dislike that is the issue; it’s the need to balance other people’s wellbeing with my seeming inability to change just to please someone, or fit in.

“The Destroyer turns us into villains when we refuse to acknowledge and take responsibility for the harm we do-and we all do harm of some kind…”

The list of my faults is long: I am disorganized, scattered, sometimes oblivious, mostly lost in my head, unmotivated my menial tasks, clumsily truthful when I know you well; and tactful to a fault when I don’t. I change my mind all the time, and I don’t follow instructions well unless I can see the bigger picture of their importance. I don’t like rules unless they are for someone’s protection, and I can’t do the same thing, the same way, twice. And the biggest fault I have is that I just don’t care, unless I care, and then I care too much.

What is on this list doesn’t matter. No one cares about another’s shortcomings unless they interfere with their own life. But that is my point exactly: How do you deal with your shortcomings when others don’t like them? I have always thought that I am doing more good than harm by leaving things/people/situations behind that I don’t feel I contribute to. But am I being a villain? It is easy; I know that. It is easier to destroy and rebuild than to work on what is there. But where is that line for us Destroyers? How do we embrace our affinity for creating space for rebirth, without simply running from our problems?

If you are looking for the answer, I guess I shouldn’t have waited until the end to tell you: I don’t have it…

sail.away.with.me.honey.

A part of me wants to go where the wind takes me; roll with the tide; set sail for new adventures, all that jazz. And another part of me wants to drop my anchor; build a village; hunker down. These two things require very different strategies. If life is an ocean (and I am very convinced that it is) then what kind of vessel am I? Certain vessels are built more for speed and agility, while others are built to slowly roam the seas, holding safe their stowaways through rough waters and new terrains.

I know some people that have always been large, strong vessels. I gravitate towards these people. They feel safe. They amble along slowly, letting neither rough seas nor long stretches of still water faze them. The urge step aboard and experience their warmth and safety is almost irresistible. But alas, these are always the people I leave behind. Soon, when my belly is filled and my clothes are dry, I am back gazing out at the horizon again, wondering what is next. What does that make me? I am not quite a pirate, but not quite a big safe ship either.

I used to be a kayak, running fast and furious through rough rapids. Or perhaps even a surfer waiting for the next wave. In between times of excitement and turmoil, when the waters were calm, I was simply lost and alone. My little vessel, which thrived in the rapids of change, was simply inhabitable in the long stretches of calm water. And unfortunately, with a vessel so small, it was impossible to invite anyone else on board.

I have a bigger vessel now. I have invited people on board, and found a way care for myself and sometimes others, as needed. My pace is slower and less frantic, but always moving nonetheless. Although I have a map, and I understand latitude and longitude, I prefer navigating by the stars, with my attention always aimed at the sky instead of down at the measurements. I simply trust the wisdom of the stars more than I will ever trust an experience somebody else has put on paper. Most importantly, I still look at the horizon. And if the winds of change call, I will answer, even if I have to travel alone…