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Tips On Successful Living From a Master Facialist...

I think there is wisdom scattered all over the expanse and dimensions of our lives. Not only in the poetic things like sunset, pets, or children, but also in all the nooks and crannies where we would never think to look. I subscribe to the belief that everything in the world is a model of something else, hence my fondness of metaphors. We can often see the same truths, patterns, and lessons repeated identically in nature as in day-to-day life. Life really is like riding a bike; emotions really are like the weather; and metaphors really do put big lessons into tiny, manageable packages. So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that I got a delightful insight while at the hands of my extremely talented facialist, who is also my dear friend. As soon as she started the ritual that I know so well, all the worry I thought I felt ceased to exists. That’s when I realized it: this is a valuable ritual that treats much more than wrinkles and blemishes. This ritual can be applied to any area of your life that feels dark, confused, or just in need of some sprucing up. Using the metaphor of a facial, you will see how to apply it to everything from relationships to redecorating.

The Importance of Ritual

The start of the facial is divine. Rachel comes into the room; takes a deep, cleansing breath; and sounds her Tibetan singing bowl. The resonant sound signals the beginning of a ritual that she takes very seriously, and which she has singlehandedly built a business on. The chime of the bowl chases the last few hurried thoughts from my head, and sings: “For the next little while you are safe with me, nothing can get you right here, right now.” I think this is a crucial step that we forget in our lives.  Rituals have been used throughout human history to signify beginnings and endings, and to help us create beauty and meaning out of seeming chaos.

In our modern lives, rituals are falling away, and I think we are a little poorer for it. You might come home from work, but never transition fully, thereby keeping the hurried, tight feeling with you all night. If you sometimes feel like the week is one big blur, and that the evenings are just not long or restful enough, then you might be in need of a ritual of your own to signal the end of the work day. Some people pour a drink and sink deeply into their couch for some TV, but I think you can do better than that. Television takes a lot of mental energy, even though you are being passively entertained. It will keep your mind racing, and thus won’t serve to transition you. There is a place for watching TV, but not right after coming home.

Give yourself thirty minutes at the end of the day to transition into the evening before you do anything else. I recommend getting your own Singing Bowl, a candle or incense, and a comfortable, quiet spot to sit. Take a few cleansing breaths and feel your body say thank you for the moment of rest. Scan your body for any tightness, and stretch if that feels good. These are all just ideas; you can make your ritual anything you would like, but give it a definite beginning (like sounding the bowl, lighting a candle, or pushing play on a soothing soundtrack) and close the ritual with the same definite end by blowing out the candle, stopping the music or sounding the bowl. It is also good to perform your ritual in a room that you won’t stay in, for instance, in your bedroom, or in the bath. That way there is an ending to the ritual and you can step back into your evening, presumably, in the living room and kitchen.

Cleanse

Anything in life can be accomplished if we know how to do it. It seems self-explanatory, yes, but think about how often you have felt stuck because you didn’t know the first, or the next, step to take. I firmly believe that the first step in any process should always be to cleanse. You cannot start a facial without first removing all the dirt and makeup from the day. In decorating, the first step is to clean the room: vacuuming or sweeping the floors, making the bed, or putting away the toys. In relationships, the first step is to remove any of the bitter surface stains that have tarnished the relationship. A loving, honest conversation is a good way of clearing house. And just like with real cleaning, it is better to deal with little messes anywhere in your life right away, than to let big ones build up. If you feel like a mess might be too big to clean up yourself, enlist the help of a professional in the area you are dealing with: a cleaning crew, a couples counselor, a financial advisor, or a Supernanny. If you can’t do it alone, ask for help.

Exfoliate

After the dirt and makeup has been gently removed, my skin is now ready to be assessed. With the surface exposed, it is easy to see what my skin really needs, and the treatment can be planned from there. Usually, with skin, as with other things, an exfoliation is necessary. Exfoliating is not the same as cleansing, although the two are often confused. Exfoliation is used to remove dead skin cells and sebum from the surface of the skin so that the newer skin and oil underneath can thrive. Cleansing removes things from the face that are unnatural, and didn't belong there in the first place, but that inevitably build up during our day. It is important to note the difference, in your own process, between cleansing and exfoliating as well. You might be good at keeping a clean house, but have a drawer full of broken pens, or a closet full of ill-fitting clothes that you never wear. You might have good, honest relationship or friendship, but rely on the same dynamics, conversations, and activities as before, even though both members have grown and changed. You might eat perfectly clean and healthy, but have a regimented relationship with food that cuts off your intuition or enjoyment.

You see; there is a difference between being clean, and periodically removing things that no longer serve you, even though they might have been a healthy, functioning “cell” in your life before. After you have cleansed, take some time to see if there are some things, you could exfoliate from your chosen area of improvement. When you exfoliate, be as delicate with your life as you are with your skin, exfoliating gently but often, and see a new, healthier surface appear.

Masque

After my skin has been cleansed and exfoliated, it is time to masque. Masques are essentially concentrated nourishment for your skin. Another pebble of wisdom falls from my facialists’ lips and she massages the smell of berries onto my skin: “If you take away, you have to put back.” That truth extended so much farther than the massage table I was lying on. After you have removed the things that no longer serve you, you will be left with more space to add things that do serve you. This is a great time for intensive nourishment. After you have removed unrewarding commitments from your schedule, you will be left with time to read, catch up on sleep, or try a new hobby. If you moved the clutter and ugly furniture from your room, you are free to arrange a few deliberate objects in a manner that pleases you. When you remove old beliefs and expectations about how your relationship should be, you can now nourish and grow what the relationship is. If you removed a junk food habit, there is now room for a love of cooking, or skinny jean collecting, to grow. Whatever survived the exfoliation is considered a healthy “cell” and is right there on the surface to receive whatever attention and nourishment you slather on. Fill the space, and remember to make it intensively nourishing.

Moisturize

When the masque has done its time and gets removed, my skin gets layers and layers of final goodness massaged in. A spritz of toner, a few drops of serum, and then a lather of moisturizer. All these things serve to lock in the nourishment from the masque, add their own lower-dose nourishment , and protect those new cells from the elements. Moisturizing, just like cleansing, is something you want to do every day to maintain the results you have achieved. The same goes for your own project of improvement. After you have finished decorating that room, reinforce the new space by spending some quality time in there everyday to renew yourself. If you have made positive changes in a relationship, reinforce those changes with daily nourishment and gratitude toward the other person. Whatever new and healthy surface you have uncovered, remember to nourish it daily.

Nothing Is Worth Doing If It Is Not Done With Love

My facialist (from-here-on-out known as the greatest woman on earth) doesn’t just apply moisturizer to my face; she gives an amazing mini-massage! She starts with my arms and hands, then my feet and legs, and finally my poor shoulders and neck. Not only is this a testament to the sheer love she puts into every facial, but is also the single most important lesson I learnt on that bed. Don’t tell anyone else this but… self-improvement is supposed to feel good, because it is good! In the end, even though the extractions might be a little painful or the exfoliation a little abrasive, the end result always feels sublime. The results aren’t anything to kid about either.

So take an area of your life, or your body, and apply this regimen to it with love: Cleanse and moisturize daily; and exfoliate and masque twice a week. In a month, you might not recognize that glowing reflection staring back at you.