the.good.life.

How to create, attract, and experience more luxury in your life

Luxury myth: It’s not the biggest, baddest, shiny-est thing. It is not the most expensive thing. It is not something other people have and you don’t. When you Google luxury, you find things like 22 carat gold toilet paper, and cookware with diamond knobs. That is not real luxury, it is the manifestation of the opposite; a deep need for love; and fullness; and to feel enough.

Luxury Truth: Luxury is deeply personal and individual for every person. For me it is the first sip of hot coffee. It is peace and quiet first thing in the morning. It is the deliciousness of wrapping your cool shoulders in a soft blanket. It is looking outside and seeing gold mixing with green. It is the smell of wet earth. It is not having anywhere to rush off to: Time is a huge luxury. It is smelling your favorite fragrance {incense mixed with the aroma of coffee}, whilst hearing your favorite sound {jazz music}, whilst also seeing something beautiful{beautiful photography in my living room and a wet, cool autumn day outside} ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

In short, it is taking in the moment. It is constructing an environment where you love to be. It is nourishing your soul with presence. Because, in any moment there is something to be enjoyed. To be savored. To be grateful for.

How many times have I been on the most gorgeous walk, but instead of looking around and stopping to really take in the scene, instead I was worrying, or imagining, or otherwise missing the beauty? How many times have I gotten together with friends or family in a beautiful café or restaurant, and end up just complaining, or worrying, or otherwise missing the splendor? How many times have you gone through your day without giving yourself the presence of mind to enjoy something pleasurable?

The thing about that longing you have; that hole that can’t be filled; that yearning… it starts inside. We all have been guilty of being in a moment of complete luxury or splendor, and not even having the presence of mind to enjoy it. We have all seen someone else have something we want, and think “if I had that, I would be happy”. Oh, would you now?

One thing I know about longing, is that it is a beautiful emotion. It is not there to torture you or taunt you. It is there to gently guide you in the direction of bliss. The difference is simply a state of mind. Is the absence of what you long for in your life going to make you a victim or a creator?

If today you feel like creating, I have a reliable way of creating that has little to do with budget, and everything with mindset.

Upgrade your mindset

It is a wonderful thing that our state of mind determines our happiness so completely. How awful would it be if something that we have no control over {like people/places/things/circumstances} could absolutely determine our joy? Wouldn’t that be terrible? Unfortunately, all of us at certain times will fall victim to this lie that we need people/circumstances/ the world to change before we can be happy. But there is much evidence that this is not the case: New {environments/people/items/circumstances very quickly become ordinary, and we relapse back to our base state of joy or not joy. {Think about your first day on vacation in an exotic locale vs the last few} There are many studies that prove this too. Shortly after winning the lottery/landing a dream job/reaching a goal people return to the state of happiness they were before. The reason is simple: newness brings pleasure. We need to understand this to be able to get to make the following distinction…

New Experiences vs New Possessions

We confuse experiencing newness with needing to own new stuff. Once we possess something, and have it for a while, it will inevitably lose some of its pleasure as we get used to it. The only way to counter this is with presence. That doesn’t mean you can’t have nice things, in fact, I demand you do! But it deserves analysis. First, look around your life and find something you would like to upgrade, and ask yourself this: Do I cherish this thing? Do I take care of it? Love it? Am I grateful for it? A vehicle for example: Is your vehicle dirty, smelly, and neglected? If so, you don’t need a new vehicle, you need new presence to the vehicle you have. Your state of mind is the problem, and you are deluding yourself into thinking you will take better care of your next vehicle. But, we don’t attract what we want (the vibration of not having) we attract what we are (the vibration of having). And so, until you cherish what you have as if it were what you want, you won’t get what you want. Therefore, presence really is key when upgrading your life, not possessions. It is making choices everyday to use/be/do/say/have the best of the things you already have. Then feel free to get new stuff...

Upgrade Consciously and Continuously

The only cure for our wanting, our needing, is presence. Be in the now. See what is wonderful at this moment, and drink it in like a nourishing broth for the soul. The problem is, if your environment {what you are immediately experiencing with your body including your clothing, home, office, car, food, interactions etc.} isn’t up to scratch {uncomfortable/untidy/utilitarian/smelly/unpalatable/unsatisfying} you will have NO desire to be present in the moment, and you will continue to daydream about a better life as you sit in your subpar environment. You need to commit to making every aspect of your life a little bit better everyday, by adding in more and more luxury: Yes, this takes “effort”. Standing by the sink and eating cold leftovers is less “effort” than heating and plating your food beautifully, turning on some music, and enjoying your meal. Carving out time to go for a beautiful walk is more “effort” than watching TV. Wearing your favorite sweater around the house is more “effort” than staying in that nasty T-shirt. Ensuring your home/ car/ office/ cubicle/ dorm room/ prison cell contains some treasures, smells good, and is organized and personalized takes “effort”. The list goes on and on. But the thing is, it is an amazing upward spiral. Create even the smallest upgrade {like putting on socks if your feet are cold, or using your best china/perfume/pretty journals everyday} and consciously enjoying it. It is like fuel for your soul. There is no faster way to gain momentum in your life and become “one of those people” that seem like they have boundless energy and enthusiasm and control over their life, than to practice this bit of self-care. The more run down, tired, lackluster, and full of longing you are, the more you need to consciously upgrade, one baby step at a time. Give yourself something today. 

As a bonus (lest you think YOU have to do all the work here) this is also when Life/ The Universe/ God gives you all the things you want. Take one step towards the life you want, and it will take 1000 steps towards you. Decorate (to the best of your ability and budget) that tiny little condo, and you bet your ass you will not only live beautifully now, but also ensure even BIGGER AND BETTER beauty in the future. That's the law of the Universe: it gives you more of what ALREADY IS, so if that's {a lack of something} then you have a problemo...

Watch out for the 3 Big Blocks to Luxury in your life:

1.     Victimhood: Easily recognized by phases that include “yeah but”…”Yeah but I can’t coz that costs money”, “Yeah but I can’t coz I don’t have time”, “Yeah but I can’t coz I have to do this thing instead” Yeah but anything is a bad sign. It keeps you stuck, and anything following a yeah but is an excuse, not reality. When you change your language, you take control of your life. Instead, try simply using “I choose not to” and “I choose to”, instead of “I can’t” or “I have to”. It is hella empowering! (Fucking harsh…I know!)

2.     Worthiness: Easily recognized by the phrase “not enough”. Who am I to wear great clothes, have time to myself, stake a claim on my longings, have an orgasm, enjoy my life? I can’t be that entitled… I’m not smart enough/ brave enough/ young enough/ old enough/ far along enough/ rich enough/pretty enough/ enough enough to change my life. If you hear yourself think or utter that phrase, STOP, DROP, AND THERAPY… get to the therapy couch ASAP... Call your coach/friend; workshop that shit; bring out your tools! NOT ENOUGH is the underlying malignancy of our time. It will rob you of joy and energy and courage. Give me one hour and I will absolutely convince you of its falsehood!

  3.     Disbelief: This stuff doesn’t work/matter. How does the beauty of my home/ the comfort of my clothing/ the taste and appearance of my everyday food/the mug I drink my coffee out of affect the quality of my life? And HOW will changing that stuff give me more of what I desire: Joy, Love, Beauty, Luxury, Connection, and Comfort?
Ok…um…lets do a basic exercise in logic: Your life is happening RIGHT NOW. The past (which a lot of people put stock in as being a huge part of their life) was happening in the NOW when it was happening. Your future (which many people dream about being better than their life now and their past) will be happening IN THE NOW when it happens. The NOW is the only moment you ever have. And here is the real kicker: An accumulation of NOWs is called YOUR LIFE! If NOW you don’t CHOOSE to drink great coffee out of a fucking gorgeous mug/ sleep in great sheets/ wear comfortable clothing/ take time to enjoy beauty/ decorate your house/ light a candle then you are missing your life by deferring it until some imaginary time that will always be in the future.

Think of everyday as being given a million dollars, that you can either spend or not. If you don’t spend it, you don’t get to save it, it simply disappears. NOW is your life. And an accumulation of “someday I’ll do this and that” is like CHOOSING not to spend a million dollars EVEYDAY. Your days will keep passing with the same unsatisfactory tastelessness as they do now if you keep waiting to make things the best they can be today. DON’T WAIT for the future, for the “one day” to make everything in your life the best it can be. DO IT NOW, and those NOWs will become your life: Beautiful, Joyful, Connected, Luxurious…

bliss.in.the.park.

Today I had a transcendent experience. I did a 1-on-1 yoga session with a wonderful yoga instructor (and friend) Mary. It turned out to be so much more than yoga. We went to a park, set up our mats, and sat down. Then, she said she likes to start her practice by speaking on a certain topic. For me, her intuition picked “Patience”. The words that followed could not have been more perfect, hit closer to home, or been more comforting to my travel-weary spirit. I shed a few tears, and I felt my heart melt and open. I hadn’t consciously noticed it had started to harden over the last who-know-how-long, except that I have been feeling like I just can’t quite catch my breath lately; like there was a constant constriction around my heart. Finally the constriction had softened. She turned on some music, and we started to flow.

She work-shopped SO MANY POSES that I had been doing incorrectly for years, and adjusted me until everything felt perfectly in alignment. I discovered muscles I don’t think I have ever used before. Sometimes I would shake doing the SIMPLEST pose, because I had been doing it wrong all this time! The delicious stretching and gentle strengthening found places in body that were holding so much tension, so much emotion, and so many toxins, that I kept feeling tingles and waves ripple through as energy blocks got released. It was a spring-cleaning for my body like I had never felt before. Mary is graceful, cheerful, and casual. She is having fun, like she is out to play, not "work". The way she moved, seeing her so happy and in her element, made me think: “I’ll have a tall glass of whatever she’s having!” The energy of that practice was very beautiful, and I got to laugh and be myself. In yoga classes, I find it is a little too fast, and too crowded to really get a pose down right, so my strong muscles would overcompensate, and I would “look” like I was doing some good yoga. But trust me, getting adjusted and feeling how beautiful it is when your body is in alignment, is so different! The bliss is indescribable!

So now I ask you: Where in your life are you just going through the motions? What area do you need to workshop? Where do you need to take a closer look? Release some energy blocks? Get adjusted? Because, my-oh-my, when you start to really ENGAGE the area in your life you were you previously weren't, it is juicy! Right now, think of an area in your life you suspect you can find deeper joy, and have someone workshop it with you! There are so many beautiful teachers out there: in books, on YouTube, and in your life as friends and family, that can help you find deeper joy. Oh but if you can Beg, Barter, or Buy a few sessions with a professional in your chosen area, then you are in for a real treat! Besides the physical bliss, I got a personal message of inspiration, a customized deep heart-opening practice, and even a little lavender-scented massage during Savasana! Since no book or YouTube video has ever done all that, I am seeing Mary again next Tuesday. 

practical.magic.

Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.  

-Practical Magic

Sometime the void is very real. It’s not a metaphor or a quaint idea. It is a hard truth. Visceral. The emptiness in our lives is intolerable sometimes, because all we can feel is the absence of what was. 

Or we feel the longing of what could be. 

Or we see what doesn’t quite fit. What didn’t work? 

Or we hope for the future, but we feel it has no foothold yet.

{I feel like I am a slow learner}

For how many years have I been told to slow down? 

Embrace the now. 

Stop fighting what is. 

Sink into it. 

Absorb it.

 {It’s not as scary as you think.} 

But, oh how I fight! We fight. We all push against the invisible demons of nothingness. We struggle. 

We run away. 

Yet, here I sit in the nothing, and there is something extremely blissful in it. Come join me. Find the unsatisfactory/messy/scary part of your life and explore it. Sink into it. LOVE IT. The emptiness of unfulfilled promises: the emptiness of ending. I was told not to scratch the itch- to sit in the discomfort and just notice it. How many years did it take to finally be able to do it? My whole lifetime, I guess.  And here I sit. 

I {finally} understand how this is it’s own kind of beauty. It can be peaceful anywhere… when you just stop. 

And listen. 

What is the emptiness saying?

You are your beloved. You are your best friend. You are the only one who needs to see you, to understand you. You are IT my dear. The one you should give your heart to IS YOU. That is all you need to worry about for now.

Go to sleep. And take care of that heart.

master.Mind.cleanse.

We have all had the experience of feeling like we need to do a cleanse. A detox.

Many people feel this physically-especially after a period of indulgence-like the very short but intense North American summer that we have here.  I myself start to feel sluggish, like there is a build up in my body. I also feel restless and pent up; like I am at once over-stimulated and under-nourished.  I am restless, but I don’t have the energy to do anything about it. We likely also see physical changes like skin conditions (the skin is one of the biggest detoxification organs) or a change in our bodyweight and composition. We start to say things like “I have to get back on track”. “I can’t eat like this anymore.” “After the summer it’s back to my usual routine.” That’s all well and good, but INITIATING a change, any change, is a tougher process. Here I am going to change directions completely and suggest a radically DIFFERENT approach to detoxing. It’s called a MIND CLEANSE.

It is a fact that our experience of the outside world IS A RESULT OF OUR MIND. Our internal world creates our external world. THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS. So it stands to reason then, that if you want to detox your body, you need to detox your mind first.

And, that holds true for wanting to improve ANY area of your life-not just your waistline. The biggest problem we have in our lives is JUDGMENT, and its negative effects extend far beyond a few extra pounds where we don’t want it. Judgment of ourselves, judgment of situations, and judgment of others. Judgment and the resulting negativity is the biggest toxin of our time. It is the cancer from which all others are born. People hear me, it is really fucking bad! Do not underestimate how insidious it is. How toxic it is to your life. Use these three steps to detox from judgment and negativity and watch the pounds (of drama/ weight/ debt/ anxiety/ loneliness) drop away!

Step 1: Acknowledge that you want to change

If you suspect that you might benefit from less negativity, then the first step is admitting you have a problem.

OR If you are very used to living in a place of judgment, you might not even notice that you constantly judge yourself, others, or situations. Try this anyway: Set an intention today for yourself to just become aware of when you are judging yourself, others, or a situation. We do it so automatically: “That guy shouldn’t be allowed on the road”, “Her kid is out of control”, “Fuck, I skipped the gym again”, “Urgh, my hair today”, “He doesn’t know what he is talking about”…. on and on…a million times a day. You will start to see how OFTEN it happens-likely automatically. Now acknowledge and accept when it happens, instead of justifying it, or berating yourself. Just notice it and try not to judge your judging. (I know it’s fucking hard). Sometimes, just shining a light on a behavior releases it. That will be the case with many of your petty little judgments. You will find yourself just “lightening up” and improving your mood by noticing and letting go of the petty stuff.

BUT there will be some big ones that you feel will be almost impossible to surmount. “BUT HE IS SUCH A DICK!” your mind will scream. Here is a where you need to go further to release the toxic poison from your life.

 Step 2: Journal/Talk to your Life Coach/ Talk to a sacred friend

Follow my logic here: If judgment and resistance actually WORKED as a strategy to change situations, people, and ourselves, the world would be perfect, because judging is automatic for all humans!

We all do it, all the time, and it is obviously not helping. If that were the case then all the road rage in the world would eradicate bad driving in one rush hour. That person you hate would magically change their behavior for the better. Ha. Ha. You wish. Judgment doesn’t work-it creates a vortex that sucks in more of the same. In fact, we have all had the experience of seeing how a bad attitude makes everything worse. Following this logic, you must then work to release the resistance to find a solution. But how? VENT!

Be as petty and nasty as you want, but make sure it doesn’t end there. Remember that judging and negativity are poison that YOU are drinking, and expecting the “thing” you are judging to die. Nope. Not gonna work.  I find it helps to write at the top of my journal page: I intend to see this situation differently and find my highest good. Then I start to describe the situation that I am judging. It works just as well if the situation is a family member that did that thing you hate, a bad driver, or your fat thighs. Journal for as long as it takes, and don’t censor yourself. You will likely find that your intense anger will transmute into sadness/fear/ hurt or other emotions. Keep writing.  Journal until you find you have run the gamut; until you “run out” of emotions; until thinking about he topic doesn’t elicit much emotion at all.

*If you are venting to a person, make sure they know what to do: They are holding space for you to vent, which means they should be like a journal… they don’t say much except to acknowledge that they are hearing you. They do not feed your judgment or agree. If they speak it is ONLY to remind you that the purpose of the conversation is to see things differently, and to let go of resistance. That is why a life coach is a better option, as they have experience in this and can smooth the process for you. Either way, vent until you feel the release from the grip of rage/sadness/disappointment/bitchiness etc.

Step 3. BREATHE

Take a deep breath and feel the peace that accompanies having nothing left to be upset about. That peace and serenity- and eventually acceptance as you keep up with this practice- is your birthright. It also happens to be the energy from which real change in your life is created. From that place of peace, you can affect the areas of your life that you are not satisfied with. Even the people that most piss you off seem to miraculously stop their behavior, or it just doesn’t affect you as much. You are back in control. It is SUCH an empowering position to live from. When you judge, you give away your power. When you accept, you become so powerful it will blow your fucking mind! Things change effortlessly. People bend to your “will”. Life flows. It is SERIOUSLY miraculous.

HERE is an extra video on the topic.

Good Luck xoxo

soulful.life.creation.

How to Manifest...  It’s a hot-button topic. Everyone has dabbled in, or at least heard of, the Law of Attraction and the like. And I would venture that the reason for its popularity is partly because most people have likely had an experience of “manifesting” something into reality through what felt like sheer magic. Things just “lined up”, and suddenly there you where, getting exactly the improbable thing that you asked for. It worked out just a little too well to be comfortably explained away as a series of coincidences, or a lucky break. So with extreme excitement you think: “Hey, maybe there’s something to this. Maybe the Universe isn’t a heartless, random vacuum. Maybe joy is our birthright…” and proceed to visualize/vision board/magic-list your way to a wad of cash, a mansion on the beach, and a brand new Ferrari. It doesn't work.

Yes, you are {partly} right. It doesn’t work... like that.

Logically it makes no sense that the Universe would be one that would manifest everyone's desire for a Ferrari, or a mansion, or a harem of hotties, or world domination. Bitch please! We would detroy the earth and ourselves in a matter of minutes if this was the case, which is why in Divine Design, that is not how it works. I don’t even like the word {Manifesting} because it carries so much skewed information and negative connotations. Not only is it burdened with a billion eye rolls and more skepticism than you can publish in a best seller, but it is shallow. Think about a bunch of people sitting on their couch wishing to be better looking, richer, and more travelled than anyone they know. When was the last time you tried to manifest world peace, endless love, and enough to eat for everyone? Yeah...didn't think so. Don't feel too bad. There is a reason why that's not on the top of your wish lists, and it's not because you are a shitty person. At least your Core Self isn't...

 Step 1: True Desires

One of Martha Beck’s most salient lessons is the idea that Life Creation/Manifesting/Intentional Living/Whateveryouwannacallit is {only} effective when you are dreaming and creating from your Core Being instead of from The Shallows of your Ego. Your Core Being is your timeless self {or soul if you will} that can see the whole picture of creation and where you fit into it. It isn't interested in consumerism or domination. It is interested in BEING IN HARMONY WITH ALL CREATION. It is interested in joy, and in love.
It is also the “you” that is a unique fingerprint in the world. The “you” that has a special combination of gifts and experience that no other person on earth has or will ever have. It is the TRUE YOU. It is the part that has direct access to the energy of the Universe. It is, simply put, where the magic happens. From your Core Being you create soul-nourishing dreams with {feelings} as the focus instead of {things}.

Conversely, in The Shallows you will find what many spiritual teachers refer to as The Ego. You can refer to The Ego and The Mind interchangeably- depending if you are of a spiritual or scientific bent. The ego, simply put, is ONLY concerned with lack and attack. In any moment, it is either worried about losing something/ not having enough, and it is attacking or fearing attack. It believes that you need {things} to bring {feelings} of safety and happiness. It is a shitty entity..but it is not really who you are.

If you want manifesting to work for you, you need to identify your CORE DESIRES. They are already hiding inside your shallow wishes, shrouded in your Ego's unoriginal lack/attack thoughts. Behind the wishes that look like the inside of every glossy magazine lies what your soul is trying to tell you.
When you are thinking/dreaming/making a list of what you want, try using only {feelings} instead of describing things. I will use money as an example, because it is undoubtedly on your list:

An ego wish: “I want X amount of cash.” Or, “I want to be able to afford anything I want”.

 Instead, try getting to the {root} of what money represents by using feeling words. “I want to be free to live life to the fullest, and on my own terms. I want to be able to experience the world fully: to taste, touch, smell, see, and hear all the beauty the world has. I want to nourish my soul. I want to feel safe and supported. I want to have peace of mind and be worry-free.”

The difference is in the ENERGY behind the THOUGHTS. When you want a big wad of cash, it is because you feel like you don’t have enough right now. The energy of NOT ENOUGH brings more of the same into your life. It is a worry that comes from the Ego-and the Ego can't manifest shit. When you switch to thinking about what your Core Being wants, it is a pure, clean, and expansive energy. That is the energy you want more of. You are putting out what you want to get back, instead of unknowingly putting out what you don’t want.

The same goes for using negative statements. Stating: “I don’t want to be tied to a job and in debt” is not the same sentiment as: “I want to be free to live life on my own terms”. The first carries the energy of contraction, aversion, and negativity. {Again, the universe responds to energy, not words, and reflects that energy back to you as the reality of your life} With that statement of what you don’t want, you may as well be wishing for a lifetime of serfdom. It is OK to think about what you don’t want, as that contrast is the only way to narrow down what you do want, but it is not enough. You need to shift your focus onto what you do want, and keep it there.

Step 2: Keeping it there

{You do not attract what you want; you attract what you are.}

You need to stay in the energy of the solution. What that means is that once you have found the {feelings} you want, you need to focus on those feelings more than you focus on the things you don’t want. You need to BECOME the feeling of freedom, or prosperity, or beauty, or love. You need to FIND IT in your everyday life.

{Right now.} Take action in that general direction. When you take one step toward your dream, it takes a thousand steps toward you. Take the tiniest step everyday toward a delicious life. If you want freedom, for example, do something that makes you feel free. It might be setting up an automatic savings plan no matter how much you feel like you don’t make enough to save anything. {Trust me, you don’t even miss that money if it just automatically comes out of your account}. Maybe it’s looking into a crazy hobby you have always wanted to try, or just admitting to a far-flung dream of a vocation/location change. Maybe it is allowing yourself a nap when you are tired. Celebrate where in your life you already are enjoying the feeling you want. Put something out into the universe with the same energy vibration as what you want. Do things simply for the joy of doing them, instead of with an outcome in mind. This brings me to the last step…

"Treat {the thing you want} like a bad boyfriend" says Poehler. 
"{It} won’t take care of you. It won't call you back or introduce you to its parents. {It} will openly flirt with other people while you are around…it is healthy to remember you can always leave him and go to sleep with somebody else" -Amy Poehler

Step 3: Detach

Don’t think constantly about the outcome. Don’t wonder where your stuff is. Be in the moment and live your life. That is the final, and most important key to getting what you want. When you are constantly looking for the changes, you will not see them. We have ALL experienced the phenomenon where we DON’T care about something {anymore} or stop thinking about it, and then get the results we want. Just like the bad boyfriend that is only interested in you when you are too busy enjoying your life without him. THAT IS EXACTLY the game you should play with your goals or desires. When you are detached from the outcome because you are just too busy enjoying your life as it is, you are “pressing send” on your request and then it is only a matter of time. The key is to be so engrossed in the joy of living your life that getting the things you want is just a happy by-product.  It is an I-could-take-it-or-leave-it feeling. That is the comical paradox of the Universe. Therefore, you simply MUST practice finding joy first, and the things you want will come. Thinking you need a certain thing or circumstance to be happy is simply the biggest lie of our time. THAT, not manifesting, is what obviously isn’t working.