word.and.deed

The Tilt Of Our World View...

Language informs our thinking, not the other way around. Once that notion has settled in, I propose we take a hard look at the language that we use to often describe life. I, for one, have been inundated with messages of life’s “journey”. Why do we conceptualize life as a road?  As long drive, with stops- marriage, baby, promotion, house- along the way like a cross-country trip? I think it is possibly the biggest fallacy of our time. The message is subtle, but the cumulative effect is seen in our every action. We are always striving toward some unknown destination. We see ourselves as either moving forward, or backward. We will either “make it” or not. Since I can remember, I have been taught that life is a linear event, but the more I experience life on my own, I see the fault in that assumption. Life is circular. 

Life is a cycle of endless waves of prosperity and suffering, of light and dark, of hope and disillusionment. Life is continual, complex, and multidirectional, and there is no simple notion of forward and backward to monitor our progress. We live the illusion that we are always moving forward on our life path, when in reality the forward motion is a ruse; much like running on a treadmill. I believe that we learn the same lessons over and over, but gain new complexity each time.

Much like a pendulum that swings from one extreme to the other, we are constantly on the ride of life, trying to balance the two polarities in all things: Justice and Mercy. Any decision we make tries to balance these two concepts: Justice taking the side of the larger idealistic worldview, and Mercy favoring the individual’s motivations. Our free will come in to bridge these two concepts, and like the Mad Hatter we run back and forth on this bridge carrying the weight of justification between the two polarities, trying to find the balance: Disciple vs. Enjoyment; Self Love vs. Universal Love; Me vs. You.

We do not gain happiness from moving forward and reaching a goal. We gain happiness in the moments when everything is in its right place and for a second we have stopped running back and forth. The times we are doing what we really love, and there is a calm within us, because for a second, we do not want anything more than to be where we are. We are not grasping, nor are we evading. We do not realize the difference between doing what we love, and working hard so that we may reach happiness one day in the future. Happiness is like a butterfly: try to keep it in a glass jar, and it will perish. But fall asleep in the garden and you will wake up to butterflies flying all around.

“Every moment is a lifetime in miniature”. If right now you are not living life how you want, then soon you will find that it has been the case for years, or even decades. We mistakenly chase life, never realizing that our destiny is with us all the time in the form of our inherent talents and inclinations, and by constantly moving we are running away from our best life. The moment when we can erode our ego and our belief about what we should be doing, and really give in to who we are, is the moment where true brilliance of our uniqueness surfaces. 

Success does not bring happiness; doing what you love brings happiness. And doing what you love will bring the sweetest success as you tap into an infinite source of motivation. It takes conviction to stand up against the people that are endlessly running toward and away. To refuse to succumb to the notion that your function is only to be productive, to work and not play, and that there is not enough so you must grasp, and hoard, and collect; that you must capture a butterfly, and hold on to it until it dies, and then go and capture one more. Instead find the thing that you could do for hours without getting tired, and do it! That is your destiny, waiting patiently for you to slow down and give it the time of day.

Inspiration for this post:
Steve Jobs: How to live before you die
Martha Beck: Attachment and Anxiety

hello.you

Your Higher Self Sends Her Regards...
I read an article this morning that reminded me of a phenomenon that cannot be understated. It is the "fake it until you make it" approach. We have all heard the wisdom to smile even though we are sad, and that the very action of raising the corners of our mouths will elevate our mood. I know that it works, but where my life is concerned, I am trying to exact greater change than a momentary boost in mood. Can I fake being more organized? Can I act like I go on adventures all the time, and eventually they will find me? Can I pretend like I know what I want to do with my life, and my purpose will appear? How does one go about pretending to live in Europe, while having a job that is a (as yet undefined) mix of creative expression and psychology where you are your own boss? Obviously there needs to be some tweaking to the "fake it until you make it" approach so that it can work for bigger picture goals.

Meet your Higher Self
I attended a workshop on Cultivating Intuition a while ago where we were asked to visualize meeting our higher selves. It was a bit of a funny thing trying to envision my higher self, and I ended up with something of an angel-come-fairygodmother wearing a white robe and flowers in her hair. I think she even had blue eyes and red hair, or maybe I'm getting her confused with the Mother Nature woman from the Motts Tomato Juice adds? Anyhow, I obviously didn't understand the exercise at the time because there was nothing "me" about my higher self. Since then I have figured out what a "higher self" actually is, and as usual it is some mix of psychology and new age (or old, depending how you look at it) wisdom. Your higher self is simply that person that you wish you could be. I imagine myself, but only more stylish, fit, and a career woman that is happy, healthy, in a loving relationship. In this fantasy I also have no body hair, live in a mansion, and have perfect skin and nails, but I digress... The point is that your higher self literally is the person you would be if you had no limitations. Take a second and think about what that would look like. Get really into it, picturing every detail of what you would look like, what you would do with your time, where you would hang out, and with who. That is your higher self, and I'm sure s/he is delighted to meet you.

The point of this is that, everyone has an ideal self, but knowing what that is and moving towards it, is very different. Self esteem, in psychological terms, is (loosely) measured as the difference between your assessment of your real self, and how far that is from your ideal self. The bigger the gap, the lower your self esteem.

Real self <-------(bigger gap= lower self esteem)-----------------> Ideal self

Funny enough, higher self esteem is not achieved when the gap is narrowed. It is achieved whenever you move toward your goals.** Human nature is such that we will never stop wanting better circumstances. If we stopped having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, the species would die off. As we reach a goal, the goal post shifts so that we want something different, or better. Some people find this depressing, but I urge you to really think about it. Imagine you have a magic box that you open every day to find the best chocolate in the world. And every day that chocolate gets better and better. Would that not be more satisfying than having the same chocolate every day, even if it is the best? If I one day find myself living the exact life I now imagine, the heavens are not going to open up with choirs of cherubs singing Hallelujah. I will, at that point, want different things. It also won't mean that I will have a low self esteem until I one day have my dream life.

High self esteem is a result of MOVING TOWARD your best self, and NOT MOVING is what causes low self esteem.

                             Your Higher Self
What Would Jesus^ Do?

Your Higher Self can now become your best friend. I mean, you guys are bound to get along. S/he will always be there for you, and have your best interest at heart. So next time you feel stuck in your life, imagine your higher self, and see if there is one thing you can do to move in that direction. I obviously cannot (to my knowledge) invent a job right now that mixes psychology with some sort of creative outlet, but I can and did, start a blog which does exactly that. Although I don't see clearly how or when blogging will translate into living hair-free in a mansion in Europe, I do know that it is a step closer to my higher self, and I know it because it feels good and I love doing it. You will know you are on the right track with an action when it feels good (not easy, but good) because it means what you are doing is boosting your self esteem. I go to my higher self often for help, whenever I feel stuck in my life or need inspiration. When I feel tired and listless and I consider lying around in my pyjamas all day watching Mad Men, I mentally go and visit my Higher Self to see what she is doing on her day off. Of course that bitch has already gone for a run, and now she is happily skipping her tight little hair-free body all around town while looking fabulous and happy. Urgh, fine! I am going to go for a run now, then I will put on an outfit that is not sweatpants or pyjamas, and go do something constructive. I might even shave my legs.


** I have recently wrote about how life is not a road race, and I want to reiterate that here. When I say we should move toward our goals, I mean that we should do the things that truly make us happy and that we value. The "goalposts" will always shift because, like I mentioned in my other post, life really is not a straight road, it is more circular. Once you have that promotion, you will want better health, and once you focus on health you will want to improve your relationship. And once your relationship is going well you will realize that you have stagnated at work and start working toward your next promotion. This cycle will play itself out over and over again. We will always want things, because as I stated earlier, it is an essential part of being alive. But it is important to want things that align with who you really are, even if you see no way how your interest in, say, mouse taxidermy or doll collecting will be of use later. If writing this blog has taught me one thing, it is that when you do what you love, doing it is reward enough. I have faith that the rest will come, and so should you.

once.upon.a.time

I am convinced that when the Universe was born, all matter was split into tiny pieces, to be scattered across the expanse of forever. In that instant there was one particle in particular that was split into two. These two halves have travelled across the universe, across the space-time continuum, and ended up in you and me. That is why it feels like we come from the same far away place, and why you can guide me home when I am lost. That is why when you speak to me about life, and love, and faith, it sounds like a truth that I have known all along.

portrait.

Katie